The Academie Le Tour Ledger: Vol. 1, Issue #1

This is Snarky Sparks here with my first gossip issue. It's Fall, and that means school is in session. Let's see how our scholars at Academie Le Tour are doing...

25 Bundt Way - O'Feefe

Poor Delilah O'Feefe! When she invited Edwin Sharpe over to "study," she assumed he understood what she really meant.

Come on, Ed, there's clueless and then there's clueless. Did you even notice that Miss O'Feefe answered the door in her nightie?

Buck up, Delilah. I heard there may be another man on campus with his eye on you.

4 Danish Drive - Sharpe and Powers

It has been rumored that a certain Mr. and Mrs. Sharpe enjoy more than their fair share of libations, and they must have been three sheets to the wind when they allowed daughter Roxie to shack up with her honey, Jonah Powers. It wasn't five minutes after the Sharpes' car pulled out, that a furniture truck pulled in, delivering the young couple a new double bed. Jonah may be Roxie's first, but from what I hear, he certainly won't be her last!

4 Danish Drive - Sharpe and Powers

Edwin could kick himself for missing a prime opportunity with Delilah, so he's boning up on his wooing skills. Ed, honey, you should be studying Jonah's playbook, so that you can, ahem, "bone up" on your woohooing skills.

58 Focaccia Place - Flexor and Indie

Overheard while strolling down Focaccia...

Mitch: I swear, Max. If that [expletive] llama doesn't [expletive] get out of here. I'm going to [expletive] break every [expletive] bone in his [expletive] hand. [expletive] [expletive] [expletive]

Editor's Note: The Wrightsville Times Syndicate does not condone violence against llamas in any form. Please direct all queries to mitch.indie@acadletour.edu.

Romara Dorms - Biggs and Furley

They say Spring is when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love. Well, the students in Romara Dorms are getting an early start. Lo and behold, who would have guessed that Marla Biggs would be the first lady in Romara to snag a man? It's true. She and Phineaus Furley have gotten very close. Regardless of what my naysayers think, Snarky really does have a heart. And, I heart this couple! Marla, girl, stick with this one. The other boys in your dorm are only interested in women, money, and women with money, but Phin is the marrying kind. In fact, he's already got his grandkids' names picked out...

Romara Dorms - Frost and Whippler

Seeing his buddy Phin's success gave Chaz Whippler the courage to approach Ellen Frost. Unfortunately, her response was well frosty. (Oh, yeah, Snarky went there!)

Editor's Note: The Wrightsville Times Syndicate does not condone the use of lame puns in any form. Please direct all queries to snarky@wrightsvilletimes.com.

Romara Dorms - Frost and Whippler

And that's only because she likes to take the lead in the relationship. Now that love is in full bloom in Romara, will fellow dormies Emily Lee and Tom Freshe hook up?

That's all from Academie Le Tour today, dear readers. I'm off to Belladonna Cove, where I hear three bachelors may be coming off the market!