The Belladonna Cove Observer: Vol. 1, Issue #1

Good morning, boys and girls. Snarky is back with the latest dish on Belladonna Cove. Let me tell you, the Cove-ites have been busy getting busy. I promised you that three bachelors were about to fall, and how hard have they fallen!

But first, my editor has informed me that my column must also celebrate personal milestones, so before I can dish the dirt, I have some lovey-dovey, feel-good items to get out of the way.

#1 Ocean View Apartments - Patel

Ana and Ramir Patel welcomed the arrival of their first child, a bouncing baby boy named Raj. Raj has the distinction of being the first baby born in Belladonna Cove! Enjoy the spotlight while you can, kid, because this is the last time Snarky is going to gush unabashedly about you.

#2 Sentinel Apartments - Riley and Cho

Etsu Cho celebrated her birthday. It has been busy for Little Miss Cho lately. Not only did she gain admittance to Belladona Cove Prep, she also gained a stepmother and stepsister. So much drama for a young one, and Snarky will be there to report it!

#1 Tech Terrace - Baldwin

Marcus Baldwin also celebrated his birthday. I hear that his momma, Isabel, is preggers again. That would make Marcus the middle child, and we all know the drama that a middle child can cause! What's that sound I hear? Sounds like, "Sofia, Sofia, Sofia!"

Editor's Note: The Wrightsville Times Syndicate does not condone shout outs to 70's sitcoms. Please direct all queries to snarky@wrightsvilletimes.com.

108 Bella Park Road - Gere and Green

Chastity: So, Phoebe, I know you're the Infallibly Good Witch and all that, but I gotta know. Is woohoo with magical powers off the chain, or what?

#2 Sentinel Apartments - Riley and Cho

Ex-bachelor #1 is Timothy Riley. After he and Vivian Cho spent eons making up excuses to knock on each other's door (honestly, who really runs out of sugar???), they finally expressed their attraction to each other. And let me tell you, these two are *hot* for each other. I would even go so far as to call them soul mates. Their courtship was brief, they were wed in a private ceremony, and they have quickly settled into domestic tranquility. Viv, congrats on landing your man, but you really should have thought twice before using the can in front of him. A woman must maintain a certain air of mystery.

Londoste - Cordial and Green

Ex-bachelor #2 is Gabriel Green, who fell under the spell of Good Witch Samantha Cordial. I was having dinner at a table next to them when Gabe whipped out this rock. If anyone is looking for a roommate, I hear Chastity Gere will soon be in the market.

Sim Bowl Lanes - Cordial and DeBateau

I was walking past Sim Bowl Lanes when what to my wondering eyes should appear but Kimberly Cordial in the arms of Armand DeBateau. Ms. Cordial is a step up from Armand's last fling, Jessica Peterson, but I'm still shocked to see him slumming it at Sim Bowl Lanes.

Editor's Note: Sim Bowl Lanes is a quality establishment, welcoming a wide variety of clientele, and a proud sponsor of The Wrightsville Times Syndicate. Please visit their ad on page C6.

Freya's Raiments - Cordial

I was buying some cute black pumps at Freya's when I spied Kimberly Cordial trying on a bridal gown. It looks like she and Armand are serious. I'm rushing home to check my mailbox for a wedding invite.

Location Withheld - Name Withheld

Before I go, I'll leave you with one last tidbit. Which Belladonna Cove couple is so desperate to get pregnant that they woohooed in their apartment's communal hot tub? Find out in the next issue of The Belladonna Cove Observer. Meanwhile, I'm off to Bluewater Village to buy some Clorox.