The Bluewater Village Chronicle: Vol. 1, Issue #1

Good morning, boys and girls. Snarky is back with the latest dish on Bluewater Village. All I can say, is thank Heavens for Denise and Gilbert Jacquet. They saved this article from being a complete snoozefest. Ok, you Bluewater Villagers, listen up. You better get more sneaky and more skanky or Snarky isn't going to bother peeking in your windows anymore.

146 Pebble Drive - Ramirez

Tessa Ramirez got her first A+ and landed a spot in Bluewater Academy. Whoop-de-doo.

32 Eagle Lane - Tinker

Apparently someone replaced the batteries in Wanda Tinker's biological clock, and it's ticking so loudly that even Will Wright* can hear it. Mrs. Tinker wants five more children. Since Wanda and Stephen are in their 40's they decided that adoption would help them expand their family faster. Taylor arrived this morning, and they are expecting another child to arrive tomorrow. If that weren't enough, a third (and possibly fourth) child will be soon be arriving the good old-fashioned way.

*Editor's Note: Thou shalt not invoke thy Creator's name in vain.

Ramirez's Fine Furniture - Ramirez

Despite a poor review, Checo's furniture shop reached Level 2. Checo can give all the thanks to Andrew Pearson, Checo's most loyal customer (seen here making a purchase), who singlehandedly kept the store in business.

223 Idlewild Street - Jacquet

Snarky loves nothing more than seeing the "playa" get played but I must come to Gilbert Jacquet's defense in this case. Gilbert charmed Kendal Seiff to the point that she developed a crush on him. Kendal then offered to set him up on a blind date with her friend Shelby Barrett. Gilbert figured Kendal wasn't really interested in him and was passing him off to her friend, so he accepted the date with Shelby. Well, Miss Kendal immediately got jealous and slapped poor Gil around like a crash test dummy.

Apparently, Kendal was just testing Gilbert to see if his feelings were genuine, and Gil majorly failed the test in her eyes. Kendal, you really have no one to blame but yourself. These silly childish games don't work. If you find you a guy you're into, the last thing you should do is bring your prettier friend around him. Better luck next time, sweetie.

223 Idelwild Street - Jacquet

Denise: Gilbert, dear, if you're going to own a bakery, don't you think you should at least learn how to cook?

J'Adore Bakery - Jacquet

Denise: There's room is this town for only one Atrociously Evil Witch, sister, and you're looking at her.

74 Gondola Way - Landgraab

Well, that's all from Bluewater Village for today (thank goodness). Next I'm off to Desiderata Valley. But before I go, I'll leave you with one last tidbit. Who left a love note in the mailbox of Bluewater's most eligible bachelor?